Wednesday, July 2, 2014

Domino the Dragonslayer

Our baby celebrated his first birthday recently.  One YEAR!!!  Wow.  It's amazing to me how fast time flies and how much he's grown in such a seemingly short amount of time....

But although Domino likes to think he's "Big Dog" around the house, there is still one thing that will bring him right back to an instant puppy - chew toys.  He LOVES his chew toys.  Orange squeaky monster, blue squeaky monster, rope bone, Kong, Nick's socks...Domino is all about play time and has an entire box full of toys.  But his absolute favorite is very first toy we bought him:  Dragon.

Dragon is a cute little thing - all blue with little purple scales.  He's just the right amount of soft and fuzzy and of course he has a very pleasant sounding squeaker (that was a must).  And when we first purchased Dragon, I was impressed with their "Chew Guard Technology"...which I figured meant it could survive my young puppy's vicious teething cycle. 

I was impressed with "Chew Guard Technology" exactly four Dragons ago. 



Don't get me wrong - it's not that I have all sorts of spare dollars for Domino to chew up and spit out  (although, that's actually happened, and it was an absolutely horrific experience that I'll save for another blog).  But he really loves these dragons.  So.  I keep buying them for him. 

But the other day, as I looked at the poor remains of Dragon #3 and contemplated purchasing yet another replacement Dragon, I began to consider Domino's seemingly methodical approach to dissecting them.  Scales, tail, squeaker, stuffing - he attacked the last three stuffed toys in precisely that order.  So I decided to conduct an experiment and see if he would not only follow the same pattern, but how long it would take him to do it. 

So off to the pet store I went.

1:00pm:  Observer arrives at local pet store to purchase new dragon stuffed toy. 

2:03pm:  Hot, tired and cursing Los Angeles traffic, Observer arrives home.  Subject appears happy, but quickly loses interest when initial homecoming treat is not offered up within 6 steps of the front door.. 

2:07 pm:  Subject seems to change mind about interest in Observer when he seems to detect the presence of an un-chewed chew toy within his vicinity.

2:09 pm:  After several minutes of whimpering at the dining room table, the Dragon is released to the Subject.  Subject quickly disappears into the bedroom and renders Dragon incapacitated.

2:32pm:  Subject strikes the first blow.

3:49pm:  Subject gnaws off the first few scales and removes the tail

4:32pm:  Subject de-stuffs the midsection of Dragon and removes/dissects squeaker

PS - that's what's left of Dragon #3 off to the left

6:15pm:  Subject abandons Dragon in lieu of other pursuits...for example...dinner

6:30 pm:  Subject returns and demands quality time with Dragon.

10:00pm:  After more vigorous playing, Subject finally retires for the evening.  Observer decides to leave Dragon out for the evening, in case a call to early morning play strikes the Subject.

Saturday - 9:00am:  Observer notes that Dragon has no stuffing in midsection, tail removed, squeaker not viable.  However stuffing in extremities and the wings remains intact - similar to the final fate of the previous dragons.

So there we have it - in the name of science, I have concluded that the approach of how Domino approaches dragon slaying has remained the same through four dragons now: scales, tail, squeaker, stuffing.  In fact, it seems as though the overall amount of effort spent dissecting Dragon has improved and his methods almost seem more efficient. 

So have we learned anything of any value from this experiment?  Nope.  Can I submit my findings for some type of Nobel Peace Prize in the chew-toy category?  Pretty sure not.  But will my dog continue to be loved and spoiled with toys and treats - and even when he's 5, 10 or 15 years old will I still see that spark of puppy in his eyes when I offer him up Dragon #250? 

I'd bet my scientific expertise on it. 

Follow Up:
Monday morning - 9am:  Observer received call from local attorney office.  Apparently Dragon is now suing for an undisclosed amount of money in relation to pain and suffering as a direct result of this experiment.