Friday, August 10, 2012

I am DEFINITELY going to burn for this one (and not just from the hot sauce)

For even considering writing this post, I am probably going to go straight to...


Well, I was going to say "hell" - but I've survived Tucson summers with temps around 116, Miami in July at 101 degree heat with 97% humidity, and traffic on the 405 at least once every other week.  Hell is going to have to consider a new image. 

But I digress.

So what is going to send me to....let's call it Purgatory-Lite...this time? 

I may start a new religion.

It all began with my busted up knee.  When I started marathon training many moons ago, I was a bit vigorous in my efforts and ended up doing some rather serious damage to my somewhat fragile joints.  Not bad enough that I can't walk, but enough that it takes me out of the running (HA!  Pun totally intended) for further marathon consideration.  On those rare occasions I get up the energy to hit the gym a predictible cycle begins.  First my knee will voice it's complaint through stiff movements, then advance to "serious discussion" mode using various cracking and popping sounds and finally go into a full blown screaming rampage complete with aches and pain which make bending nearly impossible.  It's like an argument with your mother; you try to avoid it by sticking to a safe routine, but eventually you do the wrong thing anyway and then it's "game over" and all of a sudden you're grounded.  And that's what happened to me earlier this week.  I've been working out these last few weeks when all of a sudden the usual pain started creeping in and next thing I knew I was down for the count.  Walking hurt, climbing stairs hurt, stand up, sit down, hurt, hurt, hurt.  I tried pain relievers, stretching, heat, ice, water therapy and prayer.  Nothing worked all week.

Until today.

Driving home, I realized I was pretty darn hungry.  Hungry enough that I wasn't going to make it home in one piece and that I'd better stop for some nourishment or else.  So I stopped at Jack in the Box for a 2-Tacos for $.99 deal - figuring I'd eat only one so as to not completely wreck myself.  This is no big deal by the way, I love Jack in the Box tacos, always have.  Order them without cheese and drown 'em in Taco Sauce; I'm in cheap and easy fast food Nirvana.  So I got my tacos, ate just the one, and continued my drive home. 

When I got home, I drove into the garage, turned off the truck, opened the door, hopped out and climbed 3 flights of stairs to my apartment. 

It was as I turned the key in the lock that I realized what I just did.

Hopped out of my truck..........and climbed 3 flights of stairs...........with no pain in my knee.......whatsoever.

My knee has been killing me all week - up until the point where I got in my truck to drive home this afternoon.  And yet the only thing I do differently today is have one taco and my pain is gone?  WHAT IS THIS MIRACLE?  I have been saved by the healing power of the hot sauce!!  Behold the mystery that is mystery meat!! 

So now I need to start a new religion.

The Almighty Healing Church of the Taco.

(ok...the title is a work in progress)

But consider - we've already got offerings (tacos), donations won't be expensive (less than a dollar!), there's no wine, but you've got free refills at the fountain. Exorcisms would be easy (hot sauce), services would be quick and easy - there are even built in drive-thru's for your convenience.  And y'know when you consider some of the other religions out there - is a church centered around a fast food restaurant really all that crazy?  I think not.  You could go every day - why wait until Sunday?  Make religion part of your daily allowance - we'll even add it to the food pyramid.

(ok...that might be going a bit far)

But I'm telling you, I may be onto something here.  Religion and food - it's not a bad combination. 

And if they run me out of town, at least now I can do it with 2 good knees.