Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Living in the donut....errrrr, I mean moment

Wednesdays can be brutal at my office.

Wednesday mornings are when our weekly sales meetings are held.  And, like any good office meeting, there is a "designated snack person," responsible for bringing in tasty goodies each week.  Most times the "DSP" brings in bagels and cream cheese...but then there are the "donut days".  Krispy Kreme, Dunkin', does it really matter?  And while I can be strong in the early morning and turn up my nose at those savory, sweet, sticky little morsels, as the day goes by I swear I start to hear them call my name from their little perch in the kitchenette.  "Giiiiiina.....dooooooooooooooonuts......sweeeeeeeet, tassssty, frooooooossssty dooooooooonuts."  I can hear them in there, beckoning to me in that hypnotic, haunting, creepy donut voice.  And although I try to stand strong and defy their siren song...I find myself torn between running in there, tearing one of those little fiends into pieces and stuffing one in my mouth or staying true to my diet, resisting the urge and feel better knowing my pants will still fit tomorrow morning. 

But ahhh...the "what if" factor....

What if I left work today and got hit by a car?  Would it have mattered to my waistline any if I'd had that donut at that point?  Would the thought actually cross my mind..."Damn...should've had the donut"?   But then again, what if I leave work, get home, make dinner, go to sleep, wake tomorrow and actually have to put on the aforementioned pants? At that point, NOT having the donut was the wiser choice.  Is it better to throw all caution to the wind and do what feels good today - or sacrifice that which you want most in the moment for the hope that it'll all be there waiting for you tomorrow?

I had some minor surgery last week.  Nothing big - but since I never had to be put under anesthesia before, I was a little stressed.  What if I don't wake up?  What if something happens to me like it did to Hayden Christiansen's character in that crazy movie "Awake", where I'm fully aware of what's happening during the entire surgery (which, I don't really recommend seeing before any major medical procedure)?  So like any calm, rational person, I updated my will, consolidated accounts and pondered my life.  I made sure my "last meal" included chicken wings and beer and talked to my mother one final time.  And then, bright and early on Thursday morning, we headed off to the surgery center.  But even as the anesthesiologist mellowed me out with a little pre-surgery-Valium-type-dealio, I could still feel the anxiety trying to creep in.  So I tried to relax and just take in the sights and sounds of what was happening in an effort calm down.  I listened to my surgeon's choice of music (Boogie Shoes), concentrated on my breathing, watched the surgical staff adjust the lighting, and waited for my dude to tell me that he was going to knock me out or bring the mask down over me (all dramatic, like they do to on "House"), all the while thinking..."did we remember to lock the front door?" 

And then I woke up.

Yup, just like that.  Awake one minute - and then awake the next.  No big deal. I found myself thinking how silly I had been to overreact - that I should have known everything would be fine.

But what if it hadn't?

I'm a "no regrets" type of person - but that doesn't mean that questions don't ever creep in.  For example, should I have gone to the beach one more time because it was there?  That Kate Spade bag that I have to have right now - should I save that money for something else later?  Do you sit on the porch and enjoy more than one glass of wine, prolonging a lovely evening - or do you call it a night early and get some rest because you have that meeting early tomorrow morning, and instead promise to "do it soon?" 

There are some things that definitely should not be put off.  You should call your family, friends, whomever and say "hi" just because on any given day.  You should hug your loved ones and tell them you love them just a little more tonight.  But as for the rest.....?  What's the guideline?  What does the owners manual say to do?  Why wasn't this covered in high school?  I don't want to suggest that I worry about the future...but after all the fuss in the last week regarding the federal budget, debt, shrinking social security funds, etc...questions start to creep into the brain.  I may have to start supporting Walmart more just so I can ensure they're still in business 40 years from now when I need a job as a greeter.  But even as I look at my meager bank account right now - there's a vacation to Paris that beckons to me...and if I don't make it to the ripe old age of retirement, don't all the "live in the moment gurus" say I should have carpe diem'd it or something?

I guess I can sit and consider it while having a second glass of wine watching the sun set at the beach this evening. 

As for the damn box of donuts in the other room.....well.....what would YOU do?